What if the point isn’t to bounce back…
There is something I heard humming in the background of my world while I was pregnant…the narrative even showed up in the questions I asked at my 6 week check-up after the birth…So, tell me when would I get my body back? When will I bounce back to my old spunky self? It wasn’t until my baby was a year old that I had the realization. The words in the air when we talk about postpartum is often sprinkled with the concept of what it takes to go back to who you were before. Baby showers, books and online resources are filled with articles on: “How to bounce back after baby”, “Get Your Body Back After Pregnancy” and “What really helps you bounce back after pregnancy.” All of a sudden, that language started to feel strange to me. How could we possibly be the same person we were before we gave birth to a new life? The fact that only 25% of women in the United States take more than 9 weeks of maternity leave highlights both the cultural and economic pressures to get back to it. Don’t linger in this moment, don’t embrace the new you. You have to get back to your old life.
If all we do is reduce the postpartum period to bouncing back to our old life and body, we may be missing out on an incredible part of having a baby and that is everything that comes with the rite of passage into a new identity. We are no longer solely responsible for ourselves, when a baby is born, a mother is born. Whether we birth our own baby or adopt, that transition is major and undeniably changes us. Forever. There is no bouncing back. We are becoming a new being, we are growing into a new version of ourselves. Neurologically our brains actually change to become better at taking care of baby. Our tolerance for monotonous tasks (like changing 12 diapers a day and feeding often) is increased. We are invited to re-invent ourselves and determine our new values and priorities.
So my question to you is…what do you want to learn about yourself after the birth of your child? Maybe the point isn’t to bounce back to our old self, the point is to blossom into a new flower. That flower may be very similar or completely different.
